Why time out isn’t always bad, despite what gentle parenting gurus say

I am not categorically opposed to gentle parenting. In fact, I think it’s a great parenting approach for highly sensitive children, who are very attuned to the emotions of others and often deeply fearful of getting in trouble. Gentle parenting can feel extremely safe and supportive for them.

However, I am skeptical of the claims that I’ve heard gentle parenting gurus make about time out being “bad.” I’ve also heard these voices imply that time out sends the message that your love for your child is conditional on good behavior. More explicitly, I’ve heard claims made that time out is a way of disconnecting from your child - and that is something you should never do as a parent. 

I do think that time out might not be the best discipline strategy for some children. However, even in their vulnerability, I don’t see children as so weak as to be severely negatively impacted by time out when it’s done fairly (ie child understands why they are going to time out, rules are developmentally appropriate in the house, etc.). Spending a few minutes away from parents should not make or break the parent child relationship - even when it’s done repeatedly. A strong parent child relationship should be able to easily survive that!  Especially when it’s accompanied by an effort by the parent to repair any emotional harm caused.

Time out can also serve as a way for kids to calm down. Many parents send their children to time out for aggressive behavior. Situations that provoke children to behave aggressively are often highly stimulating. Removing children from these situations can allow them to calm down and reset in a safe environment where no one gets hurt. Have you ever been fighting with someone, then asked them to take a break before things get too heated? Time out works in the exact same way. 

Has time out worked for you? Send me a message and let me know.